NOPE News: Wilsonville: Population: One

Hello again America. This is your host: Thomas Host, talking to you from NOPE radio station. For the last five years, the United States has been suffering a depression which was brought about when the nation and the Central Powers lost against the Entente in the Great War. The depression was at its worst in 1921, when nearly 1/5 of the nation was unemployed. Many lost their homes and were forced to move into shanty towns called "Wilsonvilles", named after our previous president, Woodrow Wilson, the scumbag who got us into a war we lost and failed to curb the depression, as result of the war. In recent years, however, President James M. Cox has been steadily fixing up these problems plaguing the country. Right now, he's done such a good job that some of these Wilsonvilles are being abandoned by those who once lived there, now with a job and new opportunities.

There is one person, though, who remains in a Wilsonville just outside Omaha, Nebraska. I decided to go up there and interview him personally. Here is the audio recording I made of the interview.

Host: So sir, what's your name?

Jerry: The names Jerry.

Host: Might I ask you, how does it feel to live in a Wilsonville?

Jerry: Look at me. I'm the only one here.

Host: And why is that?

Jerry: Because everyone that used to live here found a job, sold their shacks for scrap, and got a proper house somewhere in the city.

Host: Is there a reason why you still don't have a job?

Jerry: Because President Cox has a personal vendetta against me.

Host: Why? What happened?

Jerry: I called him stupid in grade school.

Host: ...You monster.

Well with that, we all learned a valuable lesson: You should never call anyone stupid. Cause if you do, they may end up being president and make your life miserable. This has been your host: Thomas Host, from NOPE radio station signing out.